Show some LOVE for Alzheimer's

You don't need to know me long to know two things... I love my family and I love to run! This fall I will once again start training for a marathon but this time with an entirely new depth of motivation. I originally signed up to participate in The Chicago Marathon after achieving a qualifying time this past November in Richmond, VA. Chicago is an iconic race and a bucket list event for me but I was extra excited because I guaranteed my own entry and did so at a special time in my life. The previous year had been filled with a lot, to say the least! Knee surgery, Jim's terrible leg break, having a baby, changing careers and just surviving on little sleep! So while I am proud of my accomplishment and would be looking forward to the race no matter what I just started to feel there was more I could be doing with the opportunity.

 

I lost my beloved grandmother, Nonnie, in January and the loss left me more shaken then I care to admit. We all handle grief in different ways and I am channeling my sorrow into fuel to do something that makes me extremely uncomfortable... admitting I need help and asking for money. I have joined up with the Alzheimer’s Association ALZ Stars® program to help advance the fight against Alzheimer's disease. The funds raised will directly benefit the care, support and research efforts of the Alzheimer's Association.

 

I wish I could tell her I am doing this for her but honestly she would have blown right past any focus on her and made me feel like an Olympian. That is just who she was, a true light in the world with a heart of gold. You would be hard pressed to find someone out there that could make you feel more special, beautiful, adored and LOVED! It is no coincidence she came into this world on February 14! Today was the first Valentine's Day I did not call to wish her a Happy Birthday and that sucks. Instead I am reaching out to each of you seeking your help for this worthy cause! Who has a little LOVE left to share?!

 

Please help me honor the life of a remarkable women and consider helping me in this journey... prayers, high fives, company on long runs and especially monetary donations are all appreciated! To those who took it upon themselves to donate before I even made a pitch I am especially grateful! A link to my fundraising page is below.

 

PS - I will be missing Addie's actual birthday for this race so please help make that worth it!

 

http://act.alz.org/goto/AshleyMarques

 

#walkthelewin

Our trip via Instragram: 

#ChâteauFrontenac #damnitdonal

#newcountryproblems

#highschoolbesties #reunited

#MontmorencyFalls #rainydayfun

#MontmorencyFalls #nofilter 

#congratsline #leanback

#duckface

#firstdance #havealittlefaithinme
 

#mrslewinandherladies

The Adventure of Marriage

9 years into this adventure called marriage! Always challenging each other. @usnwc #canyonspur

My Flower Girl

Someone was quite proud of her performance and so was I especially because it was absolutely freezing! Luckily we had a white sweater to throw on her shoulders. #functionoverfashion

#mooremillertime

The official celebrating has begun! So excited for these adorable people - we love you!

Flower Girl

No you are not seeing double... she will be in two weddings this November! Yes that means Molly and Lane have set a date - 11/29/14! The unexpected news is that she will also play the role of flower girt the first weekend in November for her favorite babysitter's wedding.

She is very excited and manages to associate things with getting married more often then I would have expected. "I think the flower girl should be pink" and a moment later she walks over wearing this flower head piece. She has no idea what she is actually in for.

The Future Mr & Mrs Miller!

Getting a call from Molly at 9pm on a Friday night is not normal... so I held my breathe and sure enough had fantastic news to share! These two beautiful people are engaged! We could not be more thrilled and cannot wait to celebrate you. Love you both!

Happy Hearts & Happy Bellies

Since we had been home-bound (thanks to the snow and my leg) most of the week, the day was not as filled with special treats like last year but we had a fun day! Highlight for everyone was easily the food though.

I love you THIS much!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

Reunited

Another reason 2014 got started on the right foot! These two "best friends" were happily reunited today. The beloved silkie somehow got lost in Greensboro over our Christmas visit. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if.... ahhhh, can't even speak it!

Happy Father's Day

First request from him was sleep, obviously! (I did the same thing on my day.) So I got up with our early riser, fed her and Teva then took everyone out for a morning jog... including Minnie. This was the only way to actually ensure a quiet house and therefore any sleep. Also Jim had a soccer game in the afternoon so he would not have joined us anyway. As soon as we got home from the run though she went to say HAPPY'S FATHERS DAY! Here are a few pictures from our day - opening daddy's gift, playing in bed & "cheering" at daddy's soccer game.

Daddy, WE are lucky to have you in our lives. Thank you for everything you do. Love you!

 

I am so lucky... love my little buddy!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

A Day of Red & Pink

The Preschool party was a success. The kids enjoyed the cupcakes, watermelon and strawberries all served on red plates, forks and table clothes of course! .                                                              

Dinner also had its fair share of treats. Addie tore into her present to discover a new pink dress-up dress. Followed by pink pancakes shaped like X's, O's and hearts for dinner. {Hugs, Kisses & Love!}
 

 

I am not a red roses & box of chocolates kind of girl nor do I consider Valentine's Day an extravagant gift sort of holiday so I mean it when I say it was a great day! I am also looking forward to the date night Jim inspired with his gift (a necklace and gift card to Beadlush) and we are already enjoying mine... the pancake pen used to shape our dinner and a homemade message board, (he now needs to hang, ha)! I LOVE YOU!   ...............................ard.     ...........                                      

A-choo!

Too bad mama is allergic to these little things because someone was IN LOVE!

Happy Father's Day

After the thrill on Pinterest wore off, I decided it mostly serves to make me feel like a less then average mom. There are so many fabulous crafts and projects documented. Many of which I know "I could do" but finding the time and precision to execute is quite the obstacle. Finally, an idea seen on Pinterest that came to fruition AND even improved upon. Even though it did take 3 trips to different drug stores to collect the candy. This turned out to be a fun painting project for Addie and a perfect "card" for a certain father with a sweet tooth. We love you daddy!

Its says: "Happy Father's Day! We didn't think a Kit Kat, a trip to New York, an Orbit around the Milky Way or a shopping Spree was enough to say how much we love you. Besides the 100 Grand slipped right thru our Butterfingers and it wasn't PayDay nor was there an Extra Whatyoumacallit around to sell. We do wish you Mounds of Almond Joy both Now-and-Later. Hope this card doesn't give your tummy a Rolo but instead, you a few Snickers. We love you to Pieces!" Then it was signed Love, 3 Airheads

And to my dad - thanks for always being there to help guide me. Love you!

Six Years & Counting

and I will cheers to that!

A picture is worth a thousand words

There is no way to sum up all that is going on in this picture, which is why this post has more "labels" then probably necessary. It just falls under so many categories and I love it!

Happy Valentine's Day - I really DIG you!

Little miss is stating her independence more and more. These days it is with clothes. (I picked out the shirt while she added the strawberry sandals.) I did like the necklace choice though... she knows her colors so she did ask for the red one.

Don't Carpe Diem

Parenting truly can be beautiful and brutal and easily both at the same time. Sorry for doing this two days in a row, but I hope you enjoy another article from Momastery...

Every time I'm out with my kids -- this seems to happen:
An older woman stops us, puts her hand over her heart and says something like, "Oh, Enjoy every moment. This time goes by so fast."

Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I've heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they've heard there's magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it's hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard. These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers -- "ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU'LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN'T!" TRUST US!! IT'LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!" -- those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

Now. I'm not suggesting that the sweet old ladies who tell me to ENJOY MYSELF be thrown from a mountain. These are wonderful ladies. Monkees, probably. But last week, a woman approached me in the Target line and said the following: "Sugar, I hope you are enjoying this. I loved every single second of parenting my two girls. Every single moment. These days go by so fast."

At that particular moment, Amma had arranged one of the new bras I was buying on top of her sweater and was sucking a lollipop that she must have found on the ground. She also had three shop-lifted clip-on neon feathers stuck in her hair. She looked exactly like a contestant from Toddlers and Tiaras. I couldn't find Chase anywhere, and Tish was grabbing the pen on the credit card swiper thing WHILE the woman in front of me was trying to use it. And so I just looked at the woman, smiled and said, "Thank you. Yes. Me too. I am enjoying every single moment. Especially this one. Yes. Thank you."

That's not exactly what I wanted to say, though.

There was a famous writer who, when asked if he loved writing, replied, "No. but I love having written." What I wanted to say to this sweet woman was, "Are you sure? Are you sure you don't mean you love having parented?"

I love having written. And I love having parented. My favorite part of each day is when the kids are put to sleep (to bed) and Craig and I sink into the couch to watch some quality TV, like Celebrity Wife Swap, and congratulate each other on a job well done. Or a job done, at least.
Every time I write a post like this, I get emails suggesting that I'm being negative. I have received this particular message four or five times -- G, if you can't handle the three you have, why do you want a fourth?

That one always stings, and I don't think it's quite fair. Parenting is hard. Just like lots of important jobs are hard. Why is it that the second a mother admits that it's hard, people feel the need to suggest that maybe she's not doing it right? Or that she certainly shouldn't add more to her load. Maybe the fact that it's so hard means she IS doing it right...in her own way...and she happens to be honest.
Craig is a software salesman. It's a hard job in this economy. And he comes home each day and talks a little bit about how hard it is. And I don't ever feel the need to suggest that he's not doing it right, or that he's negative for noticing that it's hard, or that maybe he shouldn't even consider taking on more responsibility. And I doubt anybody comes by his office to make sure he's ENJOYING HIMSELF. I doubt his boss peeks in his office and says: "This career stuff...it goes by so fast...ARE YOU ENJOYING EVERY MOMENT IN THERE, CRAIG???? CARPE DIEM, CRAIG!"

My point is this. I used to worry that not only was I failing to do a good enough job at parenting, but that I wasn't enjoying it enough. Double failure. I felt guilty because I wasn't in parental ecstasy every hour of every day and I wasn't MAKING THE MOST OF EVERY MOMENT like the mamas in the parenting magazines seemed to be doing. I felt guilty because honestly, I was tired and cranky and ready for the day to be over quite often. And because I knew that one day, I'd wake up and the kids would be gone, and I'd be the old lady in the grocery store with my hand over my heart. Would I be able to say I enjoyed every moment? No.

But the fact remains that I will be that nostalgic lady. I just hope to be one with a clear memory. And here's what I hope to say to the younger mama gritting her teeth in line:
"It's helluva hard, isn't it? You're a good mom, I can tell. And I like your kids, especially that one peeing in the corner. She's my favorite. Carry on, warrior. Six hours till bedtime." And hopefully, every once in a while, I'll add -- "Let me pick up that grocery bill for ya, sister. Go put those kids in the van and pull on up -- I'll have them bring your groceries out."

Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn't work for me. I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here's what does work for me:
There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It's regular time, it's one minute at a time, it's staring down the clock till bedtime time, it's ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it's four screaming minutes in time out time, it's two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there's Kairos time. Kairos is God's time. It's time outside of time. It's metaphysical time. It's those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

Like when I actually stop what I'm doing and really look at Tish. I notice how perfectly smooth and brownish her skin is. I notice the perfect curves of her teeny elf mouth and her asianish brown eyes, and I breathe in her soft Tishy smell. In these moments, I see that her mouth is moving but I can't hear her because all I can think is -- This is the first time I've really seen Tish all day, and my God -- she is so beautiful. Kairos.

Like when I'm stuck in chronos time in the grocery line and I'm haggard and annoyed and angry at the slow check-out clerk. And then I look at my cart and I'm transported out of chronos. And suddenly I notice the piles and piles of healthy food I'll feed my children to grow their bodies and minds and I remember that most of the world's mamas would kill for this opportunity. This chance to stand in a grocery line with enough money to pay. And I just stare at my cart. At the abundance. The bounty. Thank you, God. Kairos.

Or when I curl up in my cozy bed with Theo asleep at my feet and Craig asleep by my side and I listen to them both breathing. And for a moment, I think- how did a girl like me get so lucky? To go to bed each night surrounded by this breath, this love, this peace, this warmth? Kairos.

These kairos moments leave as fast as they come- but I mark them. I say the word kairos in my head each time I leave chronos. And at the end of the day, I don't remember exactly what my kairos moments were, but I remember I had them. And that makes the pain of the daily parenting climb worth it.

If I had a couple Kairos moments during the day, I call it a success.

Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day.

Good enough for me.